A Little About Myself

Hey again, readers. I should really come up with a catchy name to refer to you guys as... Note to self: Spend all free time pondering witty names. But that's besides the point. Like the title says, I want to let you guys know a little bit more about me. You may already be familiar with this aspect of my personality (here's lookin' at you, Walsh), or perhaps you're yet to learn how it can enrich and entertain you for days to come. What I'm trying to say is... I'm so stupid.

Yes, it's true. I'm so stupid. It's a little more complicated than you would think, though; less a state of being and more a way of life. It's a phrase that personifies the sort of masochistic comedy that happens to me on a regular basis. It can best be defined as any of the following scenarios: I wake up from a one hour nap, only to find out that I was supposed to be at an important meeting three hours ago. Maybe I fall asleep on a train and wake up at the exact same stop... Going in the opposite direction. Or perhaps I spent the last week hitchhiking to Washington, when I really wanted to go to Washington DC. Or even better, I built my summer cottage in the part of the country with the highest density of grizzly bears, using bricks of salmon and honey as the mortar. You get the idea... Anyways, I almost committed my greatest and final masterpiece today, and I thought I'd tell all you about it. I narrowly missed being struck by an oncoming train while running for a train for which I was late: the very epitome of "I'm so stupid."

As I boarded the train that almost cost me my life, I began to ponder the nature of life. As I made a mental journey through my life, I thought about what regrets I had, although few they were, and among them was "not befriending more people with wheezy laughs." It may sound weird, but nothing makes you seem like the funniest guy in the room than a friend with a really wheezy laugh. You know the kind I'm talking about: the jolly, asthmatic sort of chuckle that's as at home in a crowded restaurant or bar as it is in the Intensive Care wing of your local hospital. There's something about that laugh that makes you think, "I'm not sure what he's laughing about, but whatever it is, it's gotta be good!"

Besides my near-death at the hands of man's only invention that is as devious as it is steam-powered, my day was pretty fantastic. Although I will dearly miss working with the gorillas, I must admit that I'm really excited about switching to Asia. No longer am I working with species from a continent based entirely on testosterone-fueled aggression and fierce dominance heirarchies. Not only am I hanging out with the orangs, which are freaking ADORABLE, but later I'll get to move on to the gibbons (which are incredibly fun to watch) and the otters. Which brings me to an important sidenote: Otters are officially THE cutest animal in the world. Even if I ignore the whole "bweaking cwams wif big wocks on my wittle tummy" factor (seeing as how these are river otters and not sea otters), the truth is undeniable. They look like puppies, sound like kittens, have little baby hands, and enjoy tickle fights and swimming playfully. I'm on-fucking-board.


I know I promised a comic today, but as I mentioned before, I'm so stupid and therefore brought my Wacom tablet to Chicago but left the Wacom pen at home. Classic Willis. Anyways, I've cobbled together a pretty wuss-tastic MS Paint version of the gorilla family tree (click for better res) and I hope it brings some clarity to my stories. I left some holes that are better left empty, since the backstory of this group is a whopper.

Anyhoo, I'll keep bringing the animal stories, gorillas included, so make sure to keep this in mind. Maybe print it out and keep it next to your computer at all times... You know, for reference. Well I'm definitely wiped out after a hard day at the zoo, so I hope you all enjoyed my writin' and come back real soon, y'hear?

--banjo solo--