SURPRISE!

Welcome, bienvenido, gutentag, and shabbat shalom to the inaugural edition of my new blog, The Wild World of Willis! I finally caved and started my own blog for several reasons: watching Ethan's blog take off and become so successful, already with a dedicated readership, and also because of my crushing boredom living in the city by myself.

Now let's talk about some of the goals and aspirations that I've set for this blog. This is a place where I can tell everyone about my experiences working at the Brookfield Zoo, but it's not just that... No way, buddy! I live in the boisterous city of Chicago and something is always going on! That means I'm going to start posting not only my adventures with animals, but crazy stories about crazy people, funny thoughts that pop into my head, maybe even some sketches (if I'm ever reunited with my scanner), and basically whatever the hell I want. Now doesn't that sound fun?

I'm really excited about this blog, but I'd hate to start off on the wrong e-foot by getting all negative (Get it? I'm taking a standard cliche and putting an internet twist on it. Because I'm writing a blog. On the internet. And you put "e" before stuff on the internet. Well, you see it's just a metaphor and, well... Aww, shut up.) Nevertheless, I'm going to take a chance on you guys and talk about something that I really dislike. After work I'm running to the train, which was late by the way (which also pisses me off), but that's not the point. I'm running because I get off of work at 6:00 and the only train for another hour is supposed to show at 6:08, and it's a fifteen minute walk back to the station. Okay, pop quiz. Is fifteen more than eight? If you said yes, then you probably came to the same conclusion that I did: The swift back-and-forth motion of my legs called running was required to bridge the gap between me and the train in a timely fashion. If you said no, 50 points from Gryffindor, Mr. Potter.

Anyway, I'm running like hell out of the zoo, and then it happens. This schmuck sitting on a bench not 6 feet from me yells, "Faster!" Now, I really hate it when people do that. I really, really hate it when people do that. What the hell is funny about yelling "Run!" or "Go faster!" at someone who is already running? That's right, nothing. And if you think that is funny, then you are childish, sophomoric, and not to mention dumb as hell. And the fact that this kid was twelve did not excuse his actions. The only thing separating my size-9 Vans and this twerp's scrawny butt was the fact that I was still within the fenced grounds of the zoo, and I had to think about the message I'd be sending to the rest of our patrons. Otherwise, I would have beat the fourth-grade crap out of the little turd. I mean, seriously, kids these days...

So yea, just had to get that out of my system. On the lighter side of things, I was sitting at the Hollywood (Yes, beautiful Hollywood, IL) Metra stop waiting for the late 6:08 train when I looked down and saw this really tiny red bug running across the asphalt. And when I say running, I mean the little guy was trucking it. This wasn't your ordinary asphalt, either; it was rocky as hell asphalt. The equivalent would be me running across the AggroCrag from GUTS at 20 mph. Speaking of, I always wondered how they made the one trophy piece glow bright green like that. What arcane magicks did the producers of GUTS possess to make a lifeless piece of plastic glow like the goddamed sun? Best not to think too hard about it, lest I anger the spirits of the 'Crag.

I know that was a hell of a first post, and you might even be thinking, "Hey, you barely even mentioned animals in this blog of yours. Well, there was that one mention of a bug, but that was just a thinnly-veiled reference to GUTS, and it wasn't that funny anywa..." but then I'd have to cut you off because that's the wrong kind of thinking! I promise there will be more animals to come, and plenty of other stuff as well, for as long as my fickle taste is entertained by this blog. Hope you're having as much fun as I am!